The Smile That Never Leaves Sesshoumaru
by pammazola
Summary: An older, wiser Sesshoumaru reflects on the glorious day that he met his Rin. Rated M. Oneshot, post-canon, Sengoku Jidai.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**Warning: Implied lolicon (if you're not into that kind of thing, it's nothing that explicit).**

**A/N: This idea actually came from one of my little brothers. He made the comment one day while we were watching IY that Rin is like a smile that is always with her lord. I couldn't help but think maybe he is right.**

**~oOo~**

_**The Smile That Never Leaves Sesshoumaru**_

**~oOo~**

I can feel her presence, as if she is still here and not just a wandering fragment of my imagination. Or perhaps she has never left me. Maybe I have become delusional. This would not be the first time, as I stand on the edge of sheer cliffs overhanging the deep, sprawling mass that is a miraculous sea, the wind begins to playfully weave through the fur of my mokomoko, just as her small, nimble fingers would. Her touch was so light, a butterfly's wisp of wings could not compare. The many centuries before I laid eyes upon her dimpled smile, a smile so full of sweetness and innocence, I could not help but make her mine – _all mine_ – were nothing to me. She made everything seem right in the world, even in the wake of her death, and I shall never find another as her again.

Rin was unlike any child I had ever been given the honor of knowing. I did not _know_ children particularly, until she appeared to me in the forest brush, smeared with dirt and scratched head to toe. Everything at that moment seemed so unnaturally overwhelming: My brother's unprecedented power, my second humiliating defeat, that smoldering scum Naraku… The aura of a human was an unwanted disturbance. It puzzles me to this day why Rin did not walk away the moment our eyes met, softest brown caramel and raging crimson, but determinedly set her jaw – the small jaw that would later fit so perfectly in my palm – and _care _for me. It was not an act of charity; the girl genuinely held concern for my state of being. I had never seen human pups except for at long distances before this point, nor had I taken the time to observe their behaviors. A waste of life, I considered it. Nothing mattered in this world except for what I wanted; all would suffer my wrath until it was within my possession.

How was someone as foolish as I supposed to have known it would offer itself to me wrapped in a red kimono? That she would fill my lonely nights with happiness?

My initial impression of Rin was that, putting it mildly, she was exceedingly stupid. Even if I had taken the liberty of spelling it out for her: Go. Away. It would have made no difference. The word 'unwelcomed' radiated from every fiber of my being. Only an idiot would not be able to recognize them.

There are typically three stages of defense when confronted with an unknown creature. The first being to scare the offender away, yet evidently that would not suffice in this situation.

There is the option of running away, of which I _never _considered. My honor was already greatly trodden; I would guard what was left of my youkai pride with my life.

Or I could kill her.

Each time that Rin came back, the opportunity arose, as if tempting me. The pup would turn her back to me, completely vulnerable after she laid the pathetic scraps of food by my side (again, my poor honor) and then returned to what I knew was a neighboring human village. She always came back.

No one would miss this stupid girl, I reasoned. Her idiocy was probably the cause of her homelessness, as much as I could determine. I would think of it as doing her and all of humankind a favor. No creature that weak and pitiful could survive in this cold, harsh world. I would liberate the pup from her misery. Yes, another title to add to my already long name: Sesshoumaru Inu No Taisho, Lord of the Western Lands, Master of the Useless Heavenly Fang, Brother of a Half-Breed, Liberator of Humans. I silently inquired why I had not subdued to the concept of seppuku.

The day I decided to kill Rin, she arrived later than what was usual. After hours of recovering my strength in that forest, her frequent visits were practically routine. She never spoke, and that bothered me. Her large eyes were the only indication of the feelings she must host within herself. I saw sadness, and also a glimmer of hope. But mostly sadness.

I knew I would not be capable of slaying that child in cold blood, not after seeing her eyes. The moment she looked away was when I would strike. A painless method was to severe the head from the neck, but what if her lifeless caramel irises sparkled up at me from the ground? No, I needed to ensure that I _never _saw her face, as cowardly as it may seem, but I have never ended the existence of one as young as her. I could run her through with my claws, but that would be a slow, cruel death. She might even cry. The girl annoyed me with her kindness, but it was kindness nonetheless. In exchange, I would be merciful. Snapping her neck would have to do.

Again, without breathing a word, she offered me her food.

She should stop wasting her time. I told her so. It was sickening, how _nice_ she tried to be, to _me_, one who is undeserving. To be feared brings respect.

The blossoming black and blue bruises on her round face caused me to pause. I felt an emotion, so irrational, so _humanlike_, and I would have been disgusted in the level I sank to at the expense of a little girl. But I did not think about that then. I wanted to kill… to kill the one who _harmed her_. Even I would not be so cruel as to torture her without granting the relief of death! Humans truly are monsters! The damage inflicted on her small person felt insulting to me. I wanted to avenge this sad creature that could not defend herself!

And then she smiled.

~oOo~

Sometimes I thought it would have been better if I had left. Only, once a youkai discovers his purpose to live in this world, when it is not wealth or power that keeps his heart beating… he will always find his way back. Soul mates belong together.

When Rin died, I was not ready to let her go, not then and so soon. The instinctive test of my Tenseiga was unfathomable. That useless sword knew even before I that she was the one. Regardless, I felt elation at the intake of her first breath in my arms. My eyes widened fractionally in wonder.

~oOo~

I did not love Rin… in a sexual manner, at her young age. That is not to say I found her unattractive. Contrarily, her pouting lower lip was always my downfall. Love, I knew it to be, because nothing had ever been so dear to me, to the point of obsession, and a ridiculous desire to have her with me always. The companionship she gave me was different than that of Jaken, who though could try my nerves at times, filled the empty void of silence with a constant, meaningless chatter. One follower was better than none.

My carnal cravings for Rin's flesh pressed to mine would come at a much later time, but I cherished every second of the nights spent when she was a child. In ways, we were intimate without ever touching. I caressed her slim figure with my eyes, and imagined what it would be like to claim her puffy virgin lips with my own. A few years to wait for her to grow up would pass agonizingly slow for me. Rin remained oblivious to this, and I would not burden an eight year old with such information. I made the decision to allow her to flourish into adulthood with her own mind and make choices that were not simply out of an obligation toward the only male she knew. If we were to become lovers, it was because Rin desired it. And in the end, why would she not? Her soul mate would be perfect for her in every physical and psychological way possible.

We had many children, and I sat aside all prejudices. Nothing was more beautiful than the moment I held my firstborn daughter in my arms. Only my mate could possibly rival. Her increasing age would come to worry me later on, but at the time it only meant I must consistently bed her, impregnate her. Rin loved being with child, and even more so with raising them.

Many of the aspects I loved most about her changed as she aged, but her smile was always the same as the day I discovered that she was mine. When Rin finally died, with her large family gathered around her, when it finally dawned upon me that I could not bring her back to the land of the living yet a third time, she _still_ smiled. She had not lived in vain.

Now I must wait, or 'we' as I should say. My sons and daughter are among the most respected, powerful youkai in Japan. We wait for however long it takes. For you see, Rin will come back, just as I will to her. She might be in a different form. It might be in a different place.

Her smile will remain the same, for it has always been with me.

~oOo~

_End_


End file.
